A Personal Update

I’ve been having trouble motivating myself to post regularly lately, but I definitely need to get back into it. Living with my family is very emotionally draining, and having the chance to just rant about the endless Catholicism I’m surrounded with is cathartic at the very least.

My family lives their lives by the church calendar, which is fine for them, but it’s not for me. I work around it when I can, and if I have to skip meat except for fish on Fridays I’ll do it. That’s not a huge deal.

What is though, is just knowing that I’m not in a home environment that respects my beliefs or political opinions. I still get passive aggressive comments from my dad basically calling me stupid for not believing. My brother likes to pick arguments with me about politics in which he shouts at me. I try not to shout back, but after living in this environment for so long I feel ganged up on and tend to end up being more emotional than I should. It’s very easy to say “I want to be the mature person, to keep my cool,” which I do want very much, but that’s easier said than done.

I also don’t have much of a community to fall back on now that I’ve left the church completely. I have way fewer friends than I once had, and a lot of them are moving to various other states as their careers take them elsewhere. This is a normal part of life at my age, and I’m very happy that my friends are finding careers and starting their adult lives in exciting new places, but realizing that is very difficult because it means that without my family’s support, I’d be basically on my own except for my fiance. I need to make some new friends, and get better at staying in touch with the people I can still get along with: the people whose friendships with me weren’t influenced by religion.

I need to pay off over $60,000 in student loan debt, but I know at my current rate it’ll be many years before I even come close to paying it off.

I want to move out of my parents’ house, but the longer I live here, the faster I can pay off my debt.

I want to get married, but weddings are expensive and at the moment my practical side says DEAL WITH THIS HUGE DEBT FIRST. So I’m kind of in a weird place right now.

It’s hard to feel like I’m going anywhere. I know my current situation is only temporary, but until I have a wedding date, or a new place to live that I’m moving to on a specific day, it just feels endless. I’ve been living here like this since May of last year. I’ve been living here for more than a year. After college.

I don’t really want sympathy, I just want to express where I am right now and get it off my chest. If any of you have advice or experiences to share, I’m more than happy to read about it in the comments. I hope you have a sense of progress in your life. I hope you feel like even if you aren’t where you want to be, you’re on your way there. If you have any advice for a young adult trying to figure life out, feel free to share it.

All opinions are welcome. Just be respectful and think things through before posting.

Happy thinking!

Nancy

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “A Personal Update

  1. I also had to live with my parents for about a year after I graduated as there was a recession in the 90s, and it took me that long to find a job. I can say that life is too short to live in misery…move out of your parent’s home as soon as possible. You’re looking at decades of debt (as are most college grads)…it is not worth it to put your life on hold forever while paying it down. Go live now! Even if it’s in a tiny apartment with the one you love. Get married at the courthouse and forget throwing a huge expensive wedding (you have enough debt). Don’t end up wasting the best years of your life living in an oppressive environment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the advice. It’s hard to know what I’ll think about this a few years from now. From here it looks like we’re being responsible as the cost of living in most parts of my state is really high and we both have local jobs, but it is worth considering just biting the bullet and moving out, at least looking into what it would take to do that. His family has actually offered to let me move in to their house, but I really don’t want to do that either since being independent is really what we want when we can get there.

      Like

      • Oh god, moving in with the in-laws isn’t a great idea either (they’ll have their own quirks and it’ll strain your relationship, trust me on this). There is nothing sweeter than independence, even if you have to sacrifice many comforts to get it. I’m 43 now…when I look back at my life one of my big regrets is not separating from my parents earlier. I can’t help but wonder if our relationship might have been saved if I had set boundaries with them much, much sooner in early adulthood.

        Also, don’t let debt keep you pinned in eternal childhood at home…there are ways of managing it and part of adulting is learning how to do that. Student debt is also unlikely to be the first time you’ll encounter debt…medical bills, job losses, and mortgages are par for the course. Embracing the uncertainty of the future and having a solid budget is all any of us can do. Walk bravely into your future and begin creating the life you want!

        Liked by 1 person

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