My Parents’ Bizarre Response to the Child Molestation Accusations in the Catholic Church

church withmaninpewYou may recall from previous posts that my dad used to be the youth minister at my family’s church. He was great at it–way better than the youth minister who took over for him. I know because I used to visit during the retreats he ran, and they were awesome! Their itinerary was filled with fun and games and positive affirmations. But when I was in middle school, before I was old enough to join youth group, my dad stopped running youth ministry at our parish. I’ve always wondered why.

I assumed it was from lack of time. My dad, like me, tends to get involved in too many things. He works full time, he teaches religious education, he’s a lector and a Eucharistic minister at church, he’s involved in the men’s retreat group there too, and he even finds time to do volunteering every once in a while. I figured youth group was just one activity too many. So at the end of year picnic when I was in 7th grade, the youth group bade my dad farewell, and today, many years later, my dad told me why he left:

“There were too many youth ministers getting accused of bad things, and the church was getting sued and good people were losing their money. I didn’t want to risk that.”

I nearly flipped my shit. It doesn’t take much guessing to infer what he meant by “bad things.” There have been many accusations of child molestation in churches, particularly Catholic ones. Usually it’s priests who get accused, but youth ministers have had their fair share of accusations. I asked if that was what he meant, and he said yes, adding, “People want to get money from priests and youth ministers. They’re accusing good priests for the money.” This was followed by a rant about our sue-happy society and how that’s apparently affecting the church.

A priest my dad knew was once accused. He has since passed away. My dad always insisted the accusation was false–but I’ve always wondered. (To my knowledge, he was not convicted.) It’s hard to know what people do behind closed doors. Even if he is innocent, that’s only one person–not exactly a large sample of the population of accused. Yet my dad honestly thinks that the vast majority of the accusations are false.

While the number of false rape accusations nationwide is not a knowable number right now–we simply do not have the data to give a number with confidence–because of how under reported rape is as a crime in general, I have a hard time believing that the majority of accusations are false. In fact, while the percentage of false accusations is not knowable, the data we do have seems to suggest a low number, which is logical considering how rape victims are treated in this country.

It’s definitely not a situation fraught with wanted attention for a false accuser. Bringing a rape accusation to this criminal justice system involves a lot of questioning, some testing to put together a “rape kit” if the rape was recent enough, and a high possibility that there won’t be enough evidence to even have a trial of the accused. Rape victims are generally not believed, and even face a great deal of scrutiny regarding details that have nothing to do with whether or not a rape occurred. Questions like “What were you wearing?” and “Have you two had sex before?” plague rape victims to this day. Many victims, like in the case of Bill Cosby, are so worried about not being believed that they don’t come forward for YEARS, allowing the statute of limitation to expire, and making it impossible for the accused to be tried for the crime.

This is not to say that the innocent-until-proven-guilty model doesn’t apply to rape. It does, and should. It’s constitutional that everyone deserves a fair trial. With that being said, my dad was talking about child molestation–a situation in which, by definition, the younger party cannot give consent. When my dad suggests that the majority of church child molestation charges are false, I get very defensive, because we’re usually not talking about sue happy adults here, we’re talking about children. There have been many, many accused who have been convicted, often of serial rape, and who were moved from one parish to another by superiors who knew what was going on but decided letting more children get raped was worth it to keep another precious priest from being defrocked and arrested.

Something that I don’t see covered much in stories about this widespread child abuse and their cover ups is that the church has an incentive for moving child molesting priests around instead of punishing them. There’s a severe shortage of Catholic priests right now, which has been worsening for as long as I can remember. There simply aren’t many new priests coming in, and the old ones are dying, retiring, or leaving the faith.

My generation is possibly the least religious one in all of American history, and it’s part of a continuing trend of decreasing religiosity. Throughout my childhood, I was told to “pray for vocations” and young boys were encouraged to consider priesthood. Yet one could quickly see that for most children, unmarried life was not appealing. They didn’t even know about sex, and they still didn’t want to be unmarried. I for one always viewed priesthood and religious life–whether of a cloistered nun or even an non-cloistered sister– as lonely and unnecessarily strict. I wanted more freedom than religious vows allow. More than that though, I wanted to get married. I think Catholic boys, even religious ones, often do too. It’s part of the American dream, after all.

So when the church realizes it can’t get new priests easily, it clings desperately to its old ones. Even, sadly, to the disgusting child rapist monsters the faith organization has been protecting.

I love my parents. I sincerely hope that this delusion my father has about the rape accusations being mostly false is isolated to him. Unfortunately however, I’ve never seen any indication that that is the case. As long as the church maintains this idea, it will keep on protecting the accused from investigation, clinging to its priests instead of protecting children and youths. If you’re Catholic and you’re reading this, I implore you to keep your eyes open. Your parish priests may be perfectly wonderful people, your youth ministers the epitome of piety, and I hope that’s the case. But if you find out that that is not the case, don’t alert the pastor, or the bishop. Go to the police immediately, because as we’ve seen in recent years, the church authorities can’t be trusted to take this problem seriously.

As always, feel free to leave a comment. If you want to defend the church or argue against its actions, go ahead. Just be respectful to other people and think things through before posting.

Happy thinking

-Nancy

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11 thoughts on “My Parents’ Bizarre Response to the Child Molestation Accusations in the Catholic Church

  1. Yes, it does go on, I’ve actually seen it happening in front of a class of children when I was a child, many of us there did, and we saw the terrible psychological affects on the victims too. Nobody believed any of us who spoke out at the time – unfortunately, the teacher involved died before it came to court years later. It’s very important that children, by which I include teens and especially young teens, are protected from sexual attention from adults – and, from each other, (for kids abuse other kids too); maintaining respectful boundaries is paramount for safety in my view. Let’s be vigilant, because sexual abuse ruins lives.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I’d like to think the victims have recovered, but I’ve lost touch for some years with them and when last I heard the particular target of our teacher’s attentions was not doing well at all. He totally went off the rails as a teen, soon after the abuse, and seemed obviously psychologically unstable and unwell all the time afterwards – and everyone in the know felt they knew why. I hope our sympathy as witnesses helps the victims some how. To an extent those of us who only witnessed it from a teacher were abused, as it was so disturbing and made me feel unsafe, and affected my attitudes towards sex while growing up, and for years later – there was such much of it in the atmosphere at school, and the fact it was brushed over by my parent as joking around and disturbed kid’s fantasies, was disturbing too.

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      • I can definitely see how young, vulnerable witnesses who are helpless to do anything about the abuse are victims in their own, albeit less overt way. To be unable to stop something bad from happening again and again is definitely traumatic.

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  2. Interesting…I’ve not come across someone who thought the accusations were patently false, but I suppose this strong sense of denial would make sense for the devout.

    I remember my dad being horrified by the molestation charges and it seriously rocked his faith (which he manage to hang onto in the end). My mother and I took the tack of, “god is infallible but his human church is fallible, so all responsibility rests on us horrible, filthy, fallen humans.” This is the usual “get out of jail free card” that many religious people give to god. No one in my family ever considered the accusations to be false.

    Since losing my faith and becoming an atheist, I stand in utter horror over these sexual abuse cases. The idea that the church was sheltered from secular authorities for so long is an absolute affront to every man, woman, and child on the planet. The fact that children were sexualy abused by people they trusted completely, and the perpetrators escaped punishment for so long, is a most heinous crime. I hope the catholic religion dies for these crimes. Yet they continue to limp on despite sheltering sexual predators. What does this say about all of humanity, both religious and non-religious?

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    • That may be the case, but I think when you add it to the fact that because of a shortage of new priests coming in the church has incentive to keep its old ones, what’s been happening with regards to these accusations makes sense.

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      • I’m not talking about the church’s own motivations for covering things up; I’m talking about the fact that the church hasn’t faced consequences for doing so, either legally or socially.

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      • I see. Sorry for misreading what you meant. You’re right, it doesn’t explain why they’re getting away with it. Some of it is probably related to just how difficult it is to prove rape as a crime, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the church is receiving some sort of special treatment by law enforcement. It’s hard to know for sure though.

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